I don't think i've ever prayed or fought so hard for freedom in my life. Which is funny considering I lived at Mercy. You'd think I did most of my finding freedom there. Which is a true fact... except that there I had people side by side fighting for and with me. I was in a safe place and temptations were at a minimum because there were few ways to act on my thoughts or give in. So, though I fought incredibly hard against the enemy and found SO much freedom in Christ while i was there, being on my own and walking out this newfound freedom is that much harder.
Being in college now, I've had to seek God like never before. Having the opportunity to walk out my freedom is impossible without my full relience on Christ, and I've learned that both the easy and the hard way - only it didn't sink in til i learned it the hard way of course. God has done so much in my life, and continues to work on my heart, constantly pressing me to move forward and grow even closer to the lover of my soul. I can't make it even an hour without stopping to find out what Jesus has to say to me. I've found it's the only way I will get through the day safely - safe from myself, safe from others, safe from attacks from the enemy - the only way is to be constantly with my Savior.
I used to run track, and though i never competed in the hurdles, i liked to run them for fun. Running hurdles takes a lot of endurance, perseverence, and using your head. You've got to not only run as fast as you can, but you need to be aware of the hurdles that come up, and ready to jump them at any moment. Right now, at this point in my life, I am learning to be a hurdler. I am running towards Jesus at full speed, because any slower and Satan has the opportunity to trip me up. And I am sick and tired of being tripped up. I am seeking and yearning for more and more of Him. I WANT Jesus so badly. And he's been putting me through what feels like a hammering process making me sharp, sharp in the spirit and sharp in His word. So when a hurdle comes into my life, I'm not confused or caught unaware. When a hurdle comes up, whether I see it in advance or not, I'm ready to jump and continue running towards God's open arms. Sometimes Satan throws me for a loop, puts up a hurdle trying to make me fall. And sometimes i fall. Sometimes i fall hard. But ALWAYS I get back up and run - run even faster into the arms of my Savior. even when i don't want to, even when i'm tired, even when I'm lazy, i've found the importance of being awake and alive, fully focused on Jesus so that when those hurdles come unexpectantly, I can fly over them with only the strength that could come from Christ.
For me, being half into Jesus and half into myself doesn't work. I've spent too much of my life on the path to destruction to allow small hurdles to trip me up now. I have to give Jesus my all or nothing.. and I'm choosing all. It's not an easy choice. Actually, it's a daily choice, and the hardest one I make every day. But He makes all things new. I'm not that girl who was hopeless and in despair. Anything I hear in my head that says I am is a lie. I've been set free, made completely new. It's up to me to walk it out.
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