14 “Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the wilderness
and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Troube a gateway of hope.
There she will respond as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
16 “In that day,” declares the LORD,
“you will call me ‘my husband’;
you will no longer call me ‘my master.’
17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked.
18 In that day I will make a covenant for them
with the beasts of the field, the birds in the sky
and the creatures that move along the ground.
Bow and sword and battle
I will abolish from the land,
so that all may lie down in safety.
19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
20 I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.
21 “In that day I will respond,”
declares the LORD—
“I will respond to the skies,
and they will respond to the earth;
22 and the earth will respond to the grain,
the new wine and the olive oil,
and they will respond to Jezreel.
23 I will plant her for myself in the land;
I will show my love to the one I called ‘Not my loved one.’
I will say to those called ‘Not my people,’ ‘You are my people’;
and they will say, ‘You are my God.’”
Hosea 2:14-23
I think that speaks for itself. I have absolutely nothing to add.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
When God said GO... and the awkward moment i said YES
I'm going to Africa. Wow. It still hasn't really sunk in yet... I guess I never imagined everything working out, all our plans coming together, and me finally GOING. But here I am, a week and a half away from boarding that plane for Tanzania. There is a seat on that plane with my name on it. crazy.
A lot of people have asked me why I'm going. Actually, almost everyone I've told here in PA/NJ, their first response was 'Why?! Aren't you still at Baylor? or is this for school?'
I've had a lot of time to think of an answer for everyone. The question is valid, afterall I was a part of an amazing school (I'd say the best university anyone could ever attend, but then again i am alittle partial..), i have friends there who are absolutely wonderful, and I even had a leadership position on campus. I had a job that I LOVE ready for me for the summer. All of those things are good, and could have kept me in school. But I'm not going for school credit, and I'm not going for some kind of 'foreign exchange.'
Really, I'm going because I have a relationship with Jesus Christ. I used to say that lightly, like it was no big deal. But here's the thing; it's a big deal. He is my SAVIOR, my healer, my redeemer, my friend, my Father, He is faithful, He came to earth a King but lived as a Servant, He never once made a mistake, but died as a criminal, death can't hold Him down, He rose from the grave, He is Power, He is Love, and HE IS TRUTH.
I've been taking Him for granted, taking His love for granted as if he was 'just another lover.' I've doubted His strength, His power, by looking at myself instead of the cross.
I have a relationship with Jesus. One day when I was praying, early in the semester, He told me to 'Go and make disciples.' Very clearly, I was sure it was the voice of the Lord. I didn't know what to do, so I did what my flesh does best - I ignored it. Let it go, and moved on. But it was persistant, every time I opened my bible, every time i sat quietly, everytime I waited on the Lord. I eventually got to the end of myself and my own ways. I cried in confusion one night, wondering why school wasn't going right, wondering why my heart was feeling so hurt. I asked God, "What do you want me to do?" ANd again, I heard "Go, and make disciples." In my frustration I literally cried "Fine, WHERE am I supposed to do this?" while inside my heart cried "ME?" But I saw a picture of me dancing with children and somehow I knew I was in Africa.
So I started looking up missions in the direction God was leading me. I found confirmation after confirmation when I found the YWAM Morogoro website. On it were different scriptures God had given me... everything was lining up with what I heard from the Lord. It really encouraged my faith seeing that I wasn't crazy, Jesus really was speaking to me!
And then the door was closed. Due to my own past poor choices, due to present struggles, due to my inability to choose Truth instead of my own emotions, the door I thought was from the Lord was shut right in my face. And there was nothing I could do but cry. But in that moment, I realized what I wanted most in my life. It wasn't attention from others, it wasn't special treatment in school, it was Jesus. I wanted His presence, His power, His love in my life. I wanted to be able to follow the will of the Lord with nothing holding me back. SO i started making choices accordingly.
I started making choices that bring change even though I knew Africa was no longer an option. I reminded myself of the Truths I learned at Mercy, completely ignoring how i 'felt' and what my flesh wanted.. i stood in blind trust that who I am in Christ IS, in fact, WHO I REALLY AM. No matter how I felt in the moment, I trusted that I AM a child of God, that I am redeemed and forgiven, that I cannot be seperated from the Love of God, I am established, annointed, and sealed by God, I am a citizen of heaven, I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power love and a sound mind, I am God's workmanship, chosen and appointed to bear fruit, I am accepted, secure, and significant in CHRIST ALONE.
While I expected to go back to Bayor, I was still hearing "Go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit..." but I figured i misunderstood or heard wrong the first time since what I thought I heard didn't work out, so I yet again ignored it. Until one day, out of the blue, with Africa waay in the back of my mind, not even thinking it was an option, the door opened again.
And I had to make what felt like the most difficult choice ever. I was REALLY looking forward to going back to Baylor, to taking classes I liked (including ballet and karate. HA.), to making lasting friendships with people who loved me, and love Jesus even more. I really wanted to take advantage of what Baylor had to offer. But different circumstances led me to realize I needed to stay home for a couple months and go to Africa when it was time. Basically, i realized I could not say no to Jesus. THe options were so clear to me, God said GO, and no matter how bad my flesh wanted to say NO, i couldn't. So I made the awkward decsion to say YES.
I don't regret it. And I'm not even there yet.
Praise God!
A lot of people have asked me why I'm going. Actually, almost everyone I've told here in PA/NJ, their first response was 'Why?! Aren't you still at Baylor? or is this for school?'
I've had a lot of time to think of an answer for everyone. The question is valid, afterall I was a part of an amazing school (I'd say the best university anyone could ever attend, but then again i am alittle partial..), i have friends there who are absolutely wonderful, and I even had a leadership position on campus. I had a job that I LOVE ready for me for the summer. All of those things are good, and could have kept me in school. But I'm not going for school credit, and I'm not going for some kind of 'foreign exchange.'
Really, I'm going because I have a relationship with Jesus Christ. I used to say that lightly, like it was no big deal. But here's the thing; it's a big deal. He is my SAVIOR, my healer, my redeemer, my friend, my Father, He is faithful, He came to earth a King but lived as a Servant, He never once made a mistake, but died as a criminal, death can't hold Him down, He rose from the grave, He is Power, He is Love, and HE IS TRUTH.
I've been taking Him for granted, taking His love for granted as if he was 'just another lover.' I've doubted His strength, His power, by looking at myself instead of the cross.
I have a relationship with Jesus. One day when I was praying, early in the semester, He told me to 'Go and make disciples.' Very clearly, I was sure it was the voice of the Lord. I didn't know what to do, so I did what my flesh does best - I ignored it. Let it go, and moved on. But it was persistant, every time I opened my bible, every time i sat quietly, everytime I waited on the Lord. I eventually got to the end of myself and my own ways. I cried in confusion one night, wondering why school wasn't going right, wondering why my heart was feeling so hurt. I asked God, "What do you want me to do?" ANd again, I heard "Go, and make disciples." In my frustration I literally cried "Fine, WHERE am I supposed to do this?" while inside my heart cried "ME?" But I saw a picture of me dancing with children and somehow I knew I was in Africa.
So I started looking up missions in the direction God was leading me. I found confirmation after confirmation when I found the YWAM Morogoro website. On it were different scriptures God had given me... everything was lining up with what I heard from the Lord. It really encouraged my faith seeing that I wasn't crazy, Jesus really was speaking to me!
And then the door was closed. Due to my own past poor choices, due to present struggles, due to my inability to choose Truth instead of my own emotions, the door I thought was from the Lord was shut right in my face. And there was nothing I could do but cry. But in that moment, I realized what I wanted most in my life. It wasn't attention from others, it wasn't special treatment in school, it was Jesus. I wanted His presence, His power, His love in my life. I wanted to be able to follow the will of the Lord with nothing holding me back. SO i started making choices accordingly.
I started making choices that bring change even though I knew Africa was no longer an option. I reminded myself of the Truths I learned at Mercy, completely ignoring how i 'felt' and what my flesh wanted.. i stood in blind trust that who I am in Christ IS, in fact, WHO I REALLY AM. No matter how I felt in the moment, I trusted that I AM a child of God, that I am redeemed and forgiven, that I cannot be seperated from the Love of God, I am established, annointed, and sealed by God, I am a citizen of heaven, I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power love and a sound mind, I am God's workmanship, chosen and appointed to bear fruit, I am accepted, secure, and significant in CHRIST ALONE.
While I expected to go back to Bayor, I was still hearing "Go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit..." but I figured i misunderstood or heard wrong the first time since what I thought I heard didn't work out, so I yet again ignored it. Until one day, out of the blue, with Africa waay in the back of my mind, not even thinking it was an option, the door opened again.
And I had to make what felt like the most difficult choice ever. I was REALLY looking forward to going back to Baylor, to taking classes I liked (including ballet and karate. HA.), to making lasting friendships with people who loved me, and love Jesus even more. I really wanted to take advantage of what Baylor had to offer. But different circumstances led me to realize I needed to stay home for a couple months and go to Africa when it was time. Basically, i realized I could not say no to Jesus. THe options were so clear to me, God said GO, and no matter how bad my flesh wanted to say NO, i couldn't. So I made the awkward decsion to say YES.
I don't regret it. And I'm not even there yet.
Praise God!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Hurdles 10/17/2010
I don't think i've ever prayed or fought so hard for freedom in my life. Which is funny considering I lived at Mercy. You'd think I did most of my finding freedom there. Which is a true fact... except that there I had people side by side fighting for and with me. I was in a safe place and temptations were at a minimum because there were few ways to act on my thoughts or give in. So, though I fought incredibly hard against the enemy and found SO much freedom in Christ while i was there, being on my own and walking out this newfound freedom is that much harder.
Being in college now, I've had to seek God like never before. Having the opportunity to walk out my freedom is impossible without my full relience on Christ, and I've learned that both the easy and the hard way - only it didn't sink in til i learned it the hard way of course. God has done so much in my life, and continues to work on my heart, constantly pressing me to move forward and grow even closer to the lover of my soul. I can't make it even an hour without stopping to find out what Jesus has to say to me. I've found it's the only way I will get through the day safely - safe from myself, safe from others, safe from attacks from the enemy - the only way is to be constantly with my Savior.
I used to run track, and though i never competed in the hurdles, i liked to run them for fun. Running hurdles takes a lot of endurance, perseverence, and using your head. You've got to not only run as fast as you can, but you need to be aware of the hurdles that come up, and ready to jump them at any moment. Right now, at this point in my life, I am learning to be a hurdler. I am running towards Jesus at full speed, because any slower and Satan has the opportunity to trip me up. And I am sick and tired of being tripped up. I am seeking and yearning for more and more of Him. I WANT Jesus so badly. And he's been putting me through what feels like a hammering process making me sharp, sharp in the spirit and sharp in His word. So when a hurdle comes into my life, I'm not confused or caught unaware. When a hurdle comes up, whether I see it in advance or not, I'm ready to jump and continue running towards God's open arms. Sometimes Satan throws me for a loop, puts up a hurdle trying to make me fall. And sometimes i fall. Sometimes i fall hard. But ALWAYS I get back up and run - run even faster into the arms of my Savior. even when i don't want to, even when i'm tired, even when I'm lazy, i've found the importance of being awake and alive, fully focused on Jesus so that when those hurdles come unexpectantly, I can fly over them with only the strength that could come from Christ.
For me, being half into Jesus and half into myself doesn't work. I've spent too much of my life on the path to destruction to allow small hurdles to trip me up now. I have to give Jesus my all or nothing.. and I'm choosing all. It's not an easy choice. Actually, it's a daily choice, and the hardest one I make every day. But He makes all things new. I'm not that girl who was hopeless and in despair. Anything I hear in my head that says I am is a lie. I've been set free, made completely new. It's up to me to walk it out.
Being in college now, I've had to seek God like never before. Having the opportunity to walk out my freedom is impossible without my full relience on Christ, and I've learned that both the easy and the hard way - only it didn't sink in til i learned it the hard way of course. God has done so much in my life, and continues to work on my heart, constantly pressing me to move forward and grow even closer to the lover of my soul. I can't make it even an hour without stopping to find out what Jesus has to say to me. I've found it's the only way I will get through the day safely - safe from myself, safe from others, safe from attacks from the enemy - the only way is to be constantly with my Savior.
I used to run track, and though i never competed in the hurdles, i liked to run them for fun. Running hurdles takes a lot of endurance, perseverence, and using your head. You've got to not only run as fast as you can, but you need to be aware of the hurdles that come up, and ready to jump them at any moment. Right now, at this point in my life, I am learning to be a hurdler. I am running towards Jesus at full speed, because any slower and Satan has the opportunity to trip me up. And I am sick and tired of being tripped up. I am seeking and yearning for more and more of Him. I WANT Jesus so badly. And he's been putting me through what feels like a hammering process making me sharp, sharp in the spirit and sharp in His word. So when a hurdle comes into my life, I'm not confused or caught unaware. When a hurdle comes up, whether I see it in advance or not, I'm ready to jump and continue running towards God's open arms. Sometimes Satan throws me for a loop, puts up a hurdle trying to make me fall. And sometimes i fall. Sometimes i fall hard. But ALWAYS I get back up and run - run even faster into the arms of my Savior. even when i don't want to, even when i'm tired, even when I'm lazy, i've found the importance of being awake and alive, fully focused on Jesus so that when those hurdles come unexpectantly, I can fly over them with only the strength that could come from Christ.
For me, being half into Jesus and half into myself doesn't work. I've spent too much of my life on the path to destruction to allow small hurdles to trip me up now. I have to give Jesus my all or nothing.. and I'm choosing all. It's not an easy choice. Actually, it's a daily choice, and the hardest one I make every day. But He makes all things new. I'm not that girl who was hopeless and in despair. Anything I hear in my head that says I am is a lie. I've been set free, made completely new. It's up to me to walk it out.
Jesus Take The Wheel August 4, 2010
I am ashamed to admit how many times I get lost while driving.. and using the GPS. For some unknown reason I simply have no sense of direction. It takes about a half hour longer than the average person for me to get anywhere, regardless of the familiarity of the route I'm taking..
Last week I went to pick up my cousin at her house, and i had to pull over on my way there and plug the address into the GPS so I could follow the purple line. My cousin lives ten minutes away and I've made the trip over a hundred times. But somehow I find myself completely confused when I try to find the way by myself. In my head I see the starting point and the destination, but the path to get there is nowhere in sight... so many questions in my head with how to get from 'here' to 'there'!
There are other times I am 'completely sure' about where I'm going. I see the road and where it leads, and I am 'positive' i know exactly what I'm doing and where I need to turn. But despite my good intentions, I too often get distracted and miss an exit (and the next exit.. and the one after that.. turning around can become difficult when these things happen..), or confused by signs and lights... and still, I end up lost.
Lately God has been teaching me a lot about directions. I find myself confused and unsure about so many different parts of life right now. Sometimes I just feel completely LOST. But the thing is, just like when I drive I have a system that knows where i SHOULD be going... in life I have a God who knows my every path, and GUIDES me into all truth. My heart has been aching and desperate for a Savior, but so afraid to trust. So afraid that His ways aren't really the best for me, that He might not really be taking care of me..
It amazes me how often I FINALLY turn to my GPS, and I follow the purple line part of the way but then see where the line is going and I'll think to myself 'I know a faster way. I'm gonna deviate from these directions, because my way is better.' And then it amazes me how my way is actually NOT the better one, and the little machine had been right the whole time. But to me at that moment those directions couldn't POSSIBLY be right, I knew a MUCH better way that I had taken before.. too bad I forgot that i had gotten lost THAT time too.
I do that with the Lord as well. He has a path for me, and sometimes i can even see the path so clearly! I know right from wrong, I am capable of making good choices. But I find myself trusting in myself, and thinking my way might be better than the one God has set out for me. I find myself running. Running in the wrong direction.
But He NEVER lets go. When I go the wrong way in the car, when I get off the path the GPS has set out for me, the screen changes and says, 'RECALCULATING..' and sets a new path to get me to the same place. It might take a little longer, and it might not be the easiest way. But that's just an effect of me trying to take things in my own hands.. the path gets longer and harder. But still managable, the end is still in sight. Just not as easy to get to if I had followed the directions the right way in the first place.
And I think that's what God does with me. In His mighty works of forgiveness, when I try to go my own way, and I make mistakes, He simply tells me 'recalculating..' Well, with a lot of love and compassion, He wraps me in His arms, the only place of perfect peace, and starts my path over, giving me new directions again, and guiding me the whole way. And its continually up to me to choose to follow and trust His directions. Sometimes that feels like a lot of work to me.. choosing to do the right thing all the time. I wish God would just choose for me. But He is a perfect gentleman, and doesn't force a thing on me. He does the hard work, the placing of the path, the deciding for my life, the creating, the embracing, the encouragment along the way. So all I have to do is make a choice.. and trust that the Creator of the universe knows exactly what He is doing.
Jesus take the wheel.
Last week I went to pick up my cousin at her house, and i had to pull over on my way there and plug the address into the GPS so I could follow the purple line. My cousin lives ten minutes away and I've made the trip over a hundred times. But somehow I find myself completely confused when I try to find the way by myself. In my head I see the starting point and the destination, but the path to get there is nowhere in sight... so many questions in my head with how to get from 'here' to 'there'!
There are other times I am 'completely sure' about where I'm going. I see the road and where it leads, and I am 'positive' i know exactly what I'm doing and where I need to turn. But despite my good intentions, I too often get distracted and miss an exit (and the next exit.. and the one after that.. turning around can become difficult when these things happen..), or confused by signs and lights... and still, I end up lost.
Lately God has been teaching me a lot about directions. I find myself confused and unsure about so many different parts of life right now. Sometimes I just feel completely LOST. But the thing is, just like when I drive I have a system that knows where i SHOULD be going... in life I have a God who knows my every path, and GUIDES me into all truth. My heart has been aching and desperate for a Savior, but so afraid to trust. So afraid that His ways aren't really the best for me, that He might not really be taking care of me..
It amazes me how often I FINALLY turn to my GPS, and I follow the purple line part of the way but then see where the line is going and I'll think to myself 'I know a faster way. I'm gonna deviate from these directions, because my way is better.' And then it amazes me how my way is actually NOT the better one, and the little machine had been right the whole time. But to me at that moment those directions couldn't POSSIBLY be right, I knew a MUCH better way that I had taken before.. too bad I forgot that i had gotten lost THAT time too.
I do that with the Lord as well. He has a path for me, and sometimes i can even see the path so clearly! I know right from wrong, I am capable of making good choices. But I find myself trusting in myself, and thinking my way might be better than the one God has set out for me. I find myself running. Running in the wrong direction.
But He NEVER lets go. When I go the wrong way in the car, when I get off the path the GPS has set out for me, the screen changes and says, 'RECALCULATING..' and sets a new path to get me to the same place. It might take a little longer, and it might not be the easiest way. But that's just an effect of me trying to take things in my own hands.. the path gets longer and harder. But still managable, the end is still in sight. Just not as easy to get to if I had followed the directions the right way in the first place.
And I think that's what God does with me. In His mighty works of forgiveness, when I try to go my own way, and I make mistakes, He simply tells me 'recalculating..' Well, with a lot of love and compassion, He wraps me in His arms, the only place of perfect peace, and starts my path over, giving me new directions again, and guiding me the whole way. And its continually up to me to choose to follow and trust His directions. Sometimes that feels like a lot of work to me.. choosing to do the right thing all the time. I wish God would just choose for me. But He is a perfect gentleman, and doesn't force a thing on me. He does the hard work, the placing of the path, the deciding for my life, the creating, the embracing, the encouragment along the way. So all I have to do is make a choice.. and trust that the Creator of the universe knows exactly what He is doing.
Jesus take the wheel.
free indeed... May 27, 2010
Sometimes the rhythm of my 'old life' beats in my head, like a song that won't leave. But I'm singing a new song today, and will continue the transformation for all the rest of my days. It's not easy. So often I forget this is a journey. I just want to fast forward the bad parts and live in the good. But no one said the journey would be easy. Jesus actually said it would be hard.
Sometimes I question my freedom - have I REALLY been freed from all the bondage I was in? I don't feel like it all the time. Temptations are still here calling my name in loud frequencies. But I've forgotton..
In thinking about my freedom I remembered the slaves from the civil war times. When Abe Lincoln signed the emancipation proclamation, I bet some of the slave owners didn't tell their slaves. Why would they want their servants to be free? The slaves couldn't read, so how would they ever know they were free? I'm thinking a lot of those slaves were still working even when they had attained freedom. I wonder if when they found out, they didn't believe the truth, that they were set free. They probably didn't know what to believe, because their 'masters' never told them they could go! Maybe fear kept them in slavery, not willing to face the truth because they were scared. What would happen as a free person? When you live in slavery so long, it's hard to be free. It's hard to know how to act, what to do, who to hang out with - it's a whole new concept and it's a journey finding out.
I have been freed. Sometimes I don't feel free. But freedom doesn't mean I'll never be tempted again. Freedom is what I choose to do in the temptation. I choose to live in freedom. Not half in and half out, not in 'recovery.' I'm sure of what I want and it's Jesus. Freedom.
Sometimes I question my freedom - have I REALLY been freed from all the bondage I was in? I don't feel like it all the time. Temptations are still here calling my name in loud frequencies. But I've forgotton..
In thinking about my freedom I remembered the slaves from the civil war times. When Abe Lincoln signed the emancipation proclamation, I bet some of the slave owners didn't tell their slaves. Why would they want their servants to be free? The slaves couldn't read, so how would they ever know they were free? I'm thinking a lot of those slaves were still working even when they had attained freedom. I wonder if when they found out, they didn't believe the truth, that they were set free. They probably didn't know what to believe, because their 'masters' never told them they could go! Maybe fear kept them in slavery, not willing to face the truth because they were scared. What would happen as a free person? When you live in slavery so long, it's hard to be free. It's hard to know how to act, what to do, who to hang out with - it's a whole new concept and it's a journey finding out.
I have been freed. Sometimes I don't feel free. But freedom doesn't mean I'll never be tempted again. Freedom is what I choose to do in the temptation. I choose to live in freedom. Not half in and half out, not in 'recovery.' I'm sure of what I want and it's Jesus. Freedom.
Hope... May 5, 2010
Hope is one of the biggest four letter words I know. It's one of those words that seems so small and insignificant, yet carries the weight of something so much bigger.
Hope - verb, to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence, to believe, deisre, rely, and trust.
To believe, desire, trust, and rely on something - all the same thing - is pretty big. I wouldn't want to place my hope in just anything. If I'm going to hope in something, it's got to be something worthwhile... something maybe like Jesus Christ, the God of the UNIVERSE? I've come to learn that He is the only one worthy enough to be believed, desired, and trusted in all in one. But so often I find myself hoping in other things. How does this happen? I'm not sure. I don't purposefully go out with the motive of putting God second. But I find myself doing it all the time.
It's funny, because I even have a promise straight from the Living God.. that when I HOPE in the Lord, He will renew my strength, I will soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint. You'd think with a promise like that, I'd immediately put all my hope in the Lord.
Who doesn't want to soar on eagle's wings? Apparently me. Because it's harder than just saying 'I put my hope in Jesus..' because that means taking hope OUT from someone or somewhere else. That takes a lot of trust. And it hurts. Because for so long, fear has forced that hope there in the first place. Fear of the unknown, that God really can't do it all. Fear causes me to put my hope in people who give me attention. I often start believing, desiring, and trusting in relationships. As much as I want my hope to be in Christ, I continuously put my hope in others who I think will satisfy my relational needs.
But no one ever can.. that's a job for God and God alone. I've realized I HAVE to put my hope in the Lord. He really is the only one who can renew my strength. His power is perfected in my weakness.. When I am weak, then I am strong. HE and He alone created me, created the earth I live in, and created even the people and things I so often put my hope in. So shouldn't my hope go to the CREATOR, and not the CREATED? God's taught me so much about this lately, constantly reminding me of His wonderful, beautiful promises, and showing me that people can't compare to Him. All my hope needs to go to the God of glory. All my attention needs to come from my Prince of Peace. All my love needs to come from the one TRUE love. Everything else is counted as loss, it pales in comparison.
So i look forward to, believe, desire, trust, and rely on the one and only God who saves, redeems and fulfills His promises. The only one who will ever be 'enough.' And in putting my hope in Christ, I can rest assured that I will not be dissappointed, I will not be left alone, and I will forever be safe in the presence of my beautiful Creator.
"15 then you will lift up your face without shame;
you will stand firm and without fear.
16 You will surely forget your trouble,
recalling it only as waters gone by.
17 Life will be brighter than noonday,
and darkness will become like morning.
18 You will be secure, because there is HOPE;
you will look about you and take your rest in safety.
19 You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid,
and many will court your favor."
Job 11:15-19
Hope - verb, to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence, to believe, deisre, rely, and trust.
To believe, desire, trust, and rely on something - all the same thing - is pretty big. I wouldn't want to place my hope in just anything. If I'm going to hope in something, it's got to be something worthwhile... something maybe like Jesus Christ, the God of the UNIVERSE? I've come to learn that He is the only one worthy enough to be believed, desired, and trusted in all in one. But so often I find myself hoping in other things. How does this happen? I'm not sure. I don't purposefully go out with the motive of putting God second. But I find myself doing it all the time.
It's funny, because I even have a promise straight from the Living God.. that when I HOPE in the Lord, He will renew my strength, I will soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint. You'd think with a promise like that, I'd immediately put all my hope in the Lord.
Who doesn't want to soar on eagle's wings? Apparently me. Because it's harder than just saying 'I put my hope in Jesus..' because that means taking hope OUT from someone or somewhere else. That takes a lot of trust. And it hurts. Because for so long, fear has forced that hope there in the first place. Fear of the unknown, that God really can't do it all. Fear causes me to put my hope in people who give me attention. I often start believing, desiring, and trusting in relationships. As much as I want my hope to be in Christ, I continuously put my hope in others who I think will satisfy my relational needs.
But no one ever can.. that's a job for God and God alone. I've realized I HAVE to put my hope in the Lord. He really is the only one who can renew my strength. His power is perfected in my weakness.. When I am weak, then I am strong. HE and He alone created me, created the earth I live in, and created even the people and things I so often put my hope in. So shouldn't my hope go to the CREATOR, and not the CREATED? God's taught me so much about this lately, constantly reminding me of His wonderful, beautiful promises, and showing me that people can't compare to Him. All my hope needs to go to the God of glory. All my attention needs to come from my Prince of Peace. All my love needs to come from the one TRUE love. Everything else is counted as loss, it pales in comparison.
So i look forward to, believe, desire, trust, and rely on the one and only God who saves, redeems and fulfills His promises. The only one who will ever be 'enough.' And in putting my hope in Christ, I can rest assured that I will not be dissappointed, I will not be left alone, and I will forever be safe in the presence of my beautiful Creator.
"15 then you will lift up your face without shame;
you will stand firm and without fear.
16 You will surely forget your trouble,
recalling it only as waters gone by.
17 Life will be brighter than noonday,
and darkness will become like morning.
18 You will be secure, because there is HOPE;
you will look about you and take your rest in safety.
19 You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid,
and many will court your favor."
Job 11:15-19
an old note on love April 15, 2010
Love is a powerful thing. love is Jesus.
I used to think I knew what love was ....But the more I tried to fill myself with it, the emptier I became. When I came face to face with Jesus, I almost missed it. Because His love is so unlike anything I've ever known. It's uncomprehendable I think... it's so astounding and powerful and comforting all at once.. it's like there really isn't a word for it. It's not love, it's something deeper, more intimate, something MORE. Maybe the closest word we have for it is love, but it's definately more than the love we know. whatever it is, it's something REAL…
…I heard this song that says actually exactly what God showed me. It's a Sidewalk Prophet's song called HE LOVES ME ANYWAY but at one part it says 'i am the nails in your wrists.. but you love me anyway, i am JUDAS"S KISS, but YOU LOVE ME ANYWAY..' in everything, Jesus LOVES me. This isn't the kind of love I can take lightly... it's not something i can get used to and be able to throw around the phrase 'Jesus Loves us all!' cuz its so deep, like so much more than just that!! I can't even describe in words the feelings and just the TRUTH of the statement.. so powerful, so glorious, so perfect.
At first I felt comforted, safe, and accepted in the loving arms of Jesus. I felt forgiven and like everything was good, i finally GOT it and me and Jesus were THERE. and then i messed up. After i had finally felt and understood this great and mighty love, i went and messed up? how does that happen?? I thought it was all over, that I couldnt get back what I had. But Jesus was STILL attending my EVERY need, STILL telling me He loved me anyways, STILL lavishing me with His attention (big thing!) and love. And thats when i felt something different. Thats when the unworthiness set in. And His grace. It's so cool how they work together. This whole Jesus thing is amazing actually. like i really can't describe it, it's just so so awesome.
But I realized I will never be THERE in my relationship with the one true love, but i'll continue walking daily a journey. I'll never be perfect, nor do i try. But i'll always find myself back in His arms. I don't have it all together yet, I'm not even close. I don't shine Jesus the way I need to, I'm no 'superchristian' and I don't want to be. But I take it day by day, living in the Love that Jesus is to me, falling at His feet in my unworthiness, and being continually picked back up and wrapped in the loving arms of Jesus. and THATS exactly where I belong.
I used to think I knew what love was ....But the more I tried to fill myself with it, the emptier I became. When I came face to face with Jesus, I almost missed it. Because His love is so unlike anything I've ever known. It's uncomprehendable I think... it's so astounding and powerful and comforting all at once.. it's like there really isn't a word for it. It's not love, it's something deeper, more intimate, something MORE. Maybe the closest word we have for it is love, but it's definately more than the love we know. whatever it is, it's something REAL…
…I heard this song that says actually exactly what God showed me. It's a Sidewalk Prophet's song called HE LOVES ME ANYWAY but at one part it says 'i am the nails in your wrists.. but you love me anyway, i am JUDAS"S KISS, but YOU LOVE ME ANYWAY..' in everything, Jesus LOVES me. This isn't the kind of love I can take lightly... it's not something i can get used to and be able to throw around the phrase 'Jesus Loves us all!' cuz its so deep, like so much more than just that!! I can't even describe in words the feelings and just the TRUTH of the statement.. so powerful, so glorious, so perfect.
At first I felt comforted, safe, and accepted in the loving arms of Jesus. I felt forgiven and like everything was good, i finally GOT it and me and Jesus were THERE. and then i messed up. After i had finally felt and understood this great and mighty love, i went and messed up? how does that happen?? I thought it was all over, that I couldnt get back what I had. But Jesus was STILL attending my EVERY need, STILL telling me He loved me anyways, STILL lavishing me with His attention (big thing!) and love. And thats when i felt something different. Thats when the unworthiness set in. And His grace. It's so cool how they work together. This whole Jesus thing is amazing actually. like i really can't describe it, it's just so so awesome.
But I realized I will never be THERE in my relationship with the one true love, but i'll continue walking daily a journey. I'll never be perfect, nor do i try. But i'll always find myself back in His arms. I don't have it all together yet, I'm not even close. I don't shine Jesus the way I need to, I'm no 'superchristian' and I don't want to be. But I take it day by day, living in the Love that Jesus is to me, falling at His feet in my unworthiness, and being continually picked back up and wrapped in the loving arms of Jesus. and THATS exactly where I belong.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)